leaving a fear behind
02.17.2010 
13h30On Monday, Damien and Marie-Laure went off to work in the morning, leaving me a set of keys so that I could go to the grocery store during the day to pick up a few items.
I went about my normal morning routine (checking my email, checking Facebook, reading the Boston Globe online) and then decided I should head out.
But an overwhelming sense of fear kept me glued to the couch.
Ever since I got mugged last June, I've been scared to go out alone when I'm here in Paris with Damien. I know that I keep coming back to it, and some of you are probably thinking, "just get over it already!", and as much as I'd like to, it's still present in my mind. I think about it every so often - when it happens, I try to force out the negative thoughts by thinking positive thoughts.
Hearing other people's horror stories hasn't helped either. I won't repeat them here (I don't want you to obsess either!), but let's just say that I'm very wary of getting money out of the ATM. I also pay more attention to my belongings when I'm walking around or on public transportation.
It ended up taking a little over an hour for me to convince myself to leave the apartment. I walked across the street to the ATM, withdrew some money, and went up the street to the grocery store and then the bakery (mmm fresh bread!). Everything was fine, as I rationally knew it would be ... but it's the irrational side of my brain that paralyzes me sometimes.
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It's completely understandable that you have trouble going out. You were attacked, that's pretty traumatic. I think it's amazing that you can force yourself to get out of the house and overcome your legitimate fears. It'll get a little bit easier every day, but in the meantime, cut yourself some slack. It's normal.
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- Soleil
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hey, are you ok? you haven't been writing for a while and this last post was a bit worrying. of course you're traumatised and it's gonna take you a while to learn to live with it. it's absolutely normal that you have that fear. it will just take you some time to overcome it!
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- Edith
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