holidays
03.02.2010 
22h25I'm on holiday in southeast England with Damien until Sunday, will hopefully have lots of fun stories and pictures to share when we get back to France!
leaving a fear behind
02.17.2010 13h30On Monday, Damien and Marie-Laure went off to work in the morning, leaving me a set of keys so that I could go to the grocery store during the day to pick up a few items.
I went about my normal morning routine (checking my email, checking Facebook, reading the Boston Globe online) and then decided I should head out.
But an overwhelming sense of fear kept me glued to the couch.
Ever since I got mugged last June, I've been scared to go out alone when I'm here in Paris with Damien. I know that I keep coming back to it, and some of you are probably thinking, "just get over it already!", and as much as I'd like to, it's still present in my mind. I think about it every so often - when it happens, I try to force out the negative thoughts by thinking positive thoughts.
Hearing other people's horror stories hasn't helped either. I won't repeat them here (I don't want you to obsess either!), but let's just say that I'm very wary of getting money out of the ATM. I also pay more attention to my belongings when I'm walking around or on public transportation.
It ended up taking a little over an hour for me to convince myself to leave the apartment. I walked across the street to the ATM, withdrew some money, and went up the street to the grocery store and then the bakery (mmm fresh bread!). Everything was fine, as I rationally knew it would be ... but it's the irrational side of my brain that paralyzes me sometimes.
food
02.16.2010 0h06for breakfast today, I had a homemade carrot cake muffin. It was the last one from our batch of 18.
for lunch, i had leftover soup that I made last night. Carrot, leek, potato, and lentil soup. yum.
in the afternoon, I made homemade granola bars. oats, rice krispies, cherries, coconut, and chocolate.
for dinner, we made rabbit with mustard. We ate some of the leftover soup, and then finished up with the granola bars.
Yum.
Happy Valentine's Day
02.14.2010 15h37Wishing you a Happy Valentine's Day from Saint-Denis, where we're celebrating by playing cards with friends and making a nice dinner.
paper proposal accepted!
02.09.2010 0h20Just some good news to announce ... back in January, I submitted a paper proposal for a conference to be held in Paris (Universite Paris-Est) in June, and I found out today that it's been accepted! Wonderful news.
I'm so excited to meet other people studying the Internet and its impact on society. I'm also excited, as this gives me an actual deadline, which will motivate me to get to work! I plan on using a lot of this same research in my thesis, so hopefully from now on I'll be moving forward!
capes interne
02.03.2010 0h58I took an exam today. If I pass the written part (today's exam), I will have an oral exam in late April. I'll find out if I made it through on April 7.
The exam is to write a commentary in English and then do a translation. Ciara and I were both hoping for a French->English translation (like most previous years), but this year it was English->French, which is much more difficult for non-native French speakers.
I have a pretty good feeling, though, for both of us. I'll let you know as soon as I know!!
speaking up
02.01.2010 18h32One of the hardest things in life is speaking up.
I learned this at a very young age. As faithful readers already know, my memory is really bad, so for me to still remember the following story means that it had a real impact.
Because my parents were both working, my sister and I went to daycare after school and all day during the summer. The daycare was conveniently located just up the street, and there was a giant backyard for all the kids (there were lots) to run around in.
Summer in Massachusetts can get really hot, so the daycare provided huge coolers of water and lemonade for the kids to drink. One day, when I was about 8 or 9, they ran out of water, and I (and other kids) mentioned this to the counselors, but the coolers didn't get refilled.
When my mom came to pick me up, she was chatting on the front porch with the owner. She asked me how my day was, and I told her that I was really thirsty because the coolers had run out much earlier in the day. "Can we please go home? I'm so thirsty! There was no water outside all afternoon and it was SOOOOOO hot!"
The next day, when I arrived at daycare, I was told to go see the director. She told me that because of my "blatant lies" about the water, I was to sit on the benches all day long as a form of punishment. I remember thinking, "But I didn't lie, I told the truth, I don't understand why I'm being punished."
Thankfully my parents took us out of daycare and got an afternoon nanny once I got to 5th grade and started having significant amounts of homework, but I still wonder how many ways my experiences at that terrible daycare (which thankfully doesn't exist anymore) have affected me, and my sister for that matter.
I was recently put in the awkward position of having to speak up about something that was bothering me and affecting the quality of my life. I thought about it for a few days and realized that it was better to talk about an issue than to let it fester and get worse.
I wrote an email broaching the subject with a "let me know when we can talk about this in person", we talked, and I thought that we had worked things out. Apparently not, however, since the person in question was upset by the simple fact that I even brought it up, and has resorted to drastic measures (in my opinion).
But this time, 20 years later, I refuse to be bullied into keeping quiet. I did the right thing by speaking up, because I have the right to talk to someone about his/her behavior and its effect on me. I know that discussions/confrontations can be awkward, but it's all part of being an adult. My feelings are just as important as everyone else's, and I deserve to be respected in the same way that I respect everyone else.
New song
01.30.2010 13h33I've posted a new song for you to listen to ... you can find it over on the right hand side.
It's from John Mayer's newest album (I think) and it's called "Say What You Need To Say." That seems to be my motto for 2010, based on the past few weeks, so now it's going to be my website song for at least a few weeks.
Enjoy!
Invictus
01.30.2010 12h45We saw the movie "Invictus" last week and I absolutely loved it. I've been a huge fan of Nelson Mandela since I read his autobiography for my high school International Relations class (thanks Mr Waisgerber!). I didn't know about the 1995 Rugby World Cup, though, so the movie was entertaining AND informative.
I loved the poem, "Invictus", when i heard it read out loud in the film. It's somewhat appropriate to some of the stuff that I've been dealing with this past week, so I wanted to share with the rest of you:
Invictus
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
William Ernest Henley
Stress? What stress?
01.28.2010 21h39I went to see an acupuncturist today, and let's just say that she's the second health professional in as many days to tell me that I'm too stressed and that's why I'm not sleeping properly.
When she asked why I was so stressed, here's the list I gave her:
- teaching
- my phd thesis
- Damien lives in Paris (= commuting back and forth)
- getting mugged in La Courneuve/Aubervilliers
- website development company
- BIG IMPORTANT EXAM next tuesday (feb 2)
- work stress
- roommate stress
- can't run to relieve stress
With a list like that, it's no wonder I'm stressed!
The funny thing is, I never actually think about EVERYTHING that I do, since I can only do one or two things at a time. When I finished giving her the list today, she nodded and asked if I have a type-A, go-getting personality. Yeah, i think you could say that!
She was wonderful, listening to what I had to say and asking questions when necessary. She checked my "Chinese pulses" to find out what parts of my body aren't in harmony, and it was the most incredible thing ... just by putting her fingers on certain parts of my wrist, she could tell me things. "Your heart races a lot when you get nervous, doesn't it?", she asked as she lightly touched a certain point. [There were other things as well, but they're a little too personal to reveal here!] I am apparently running low on heart/cardiovascular something or other, and on dealing with my feelings.
Then she inserted a few needles here and a few needles there. Only once or twice did the needles actually hurt (and even so it was only a slight tingly kind of pain). She covered me up with a type of metallic blanket and put on some soft music. As soon as she walked out the door, my eyes welled up uncontrollably with tears, as if I needed to cry. I didn't, but it was weird, as if I felt overwhelmed or something.
She came back after 10 minutes to touch each of the needles, and then she was gone again. I think I was there for a total of 30 minutes before she came back in and took the needles out. I walked out of there feeling a lot better, with a prescription for a whole bunch of herbal, homeopathic things to try to improve my stress levels (and hopefully my sleep habits).
If you're feeling "off" and you haven't tried acupuncture, I recommend it!
[special thanks to
Alexis, one of my best friends from college who is a licensed acupuncturist in Portland, Oregon, for encouraging me to try it!]
